Jules, hand upon heart...I'd like to propose Buster.
Though he admittedly fails quite miserably as far as both 1) & 3) are concerned, clearly his extensive use of TOR in order to scramble his actual IP address proves beyond all doubt that he is a master of 2).
So, dear reader...if you too think this way then walk over to and then cast open the nearest window, take a deep breath & at the top of your lungs sing out loud...sing along with the following rather half arsed paraphrasing of Meat Loaf.."Don't be sad....cause one outa three ain't bad".